Recently I was having a conversation with a friend and we were speaking of being numb or numbing out.
It has been a very long time since I have done this kind of thing.
However, I was present to the fact that so many people do things to NOT FEEL or NOT DEAL with ourselves or our life.
We act in ways that suppress, numb or avoid feeling what is truly happening inside of us.
Many of us cannot sit still or alone for fear of what we might feel or discover about ourselves when we are quiet and in solitude.
I remember doing this exact thing.
First of all, I was not taught HOW to feel.
I was told WHAT to feel and WHEN to feel it.
I taught myself coping skills to avoid feeling anything EXCEPT anger.
Anger is my default emotion and it still shows up today.
It is not as often as it was most of my life and I still default to anger when I get afraid or when I am not sure what I am feeling.
It happens when I am blindsided or feel backed into a corner.
It can happen when one of my triggers is activated by someone.
I use it to protect myself from what I am truly feeling.
I would consider anger a way to keep myself numb to feeling what is actually under the anger (I just realized this as I am writing).
I have been told anger is not an emotion or feeling.
It is a reaction and it always comes from a place of FEAR.
Other ways we may numb ourselves is:
food
drugs
alcohol
overbooking our calendars
filling every monent with something
T.V.
focusing on others
gossiping about them
work
creating drama
avoiding any confrontation
redirecting the conversation, so I don’t have to talk about my feelings
people pleasing
You get the idea, yes?
If you recognize you may do this kind of numbing behavior, what are you willing to do about it?
Here are some steps you can take to stop numbing and FEEL YOUR FEELINGS.
1. Recognize when your reacting with your default emotion: anger, shutting down, leaving, depression, fighting, avoidance tactics…
2. Give yourself permission to feel the feeling
3. Feel what is showing up under the default emotion: hurt, grief, unworthy, not feeling heard, feeling neglected, unloved…
4. Feel it and do nothing about it, yet.
5. Identify what the feeling is.
6. Acknowledge the feeling.
7. Allow yourself to let it go. (meaning, you don’t need to stay stuck in the feelings showing up).
These are some beginning steps to begin to feel what you are feeling past your default emotions.
They are tools to recognize what you are feeling.
I’ll write more about what to DO with them, if there is any action to be taken behind them.
Sometimes we need help to navigate through the muck and mire we’ve accumulated on the inside.
This where I can mentor coach you on your journey into loving yourself from the inside out.
PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT AND SHARE
I appreciate any co-creators on this path helping me reach more people and grow my audience.
Anger is also my default feeling. I still have a difficult time identifying what is under my anger as it is a secondary emotion. Over the past 15 months I have been told how beneficial it is to sit alone in solitude, but as you stated I am afraid of what I will learn about myself. I’ve recently moved from spoken guided meditations to just meditation music/noise while trying to focus on just my breathing. I want to be and to sit with myself in solitude eventually, but am scared. Thank you for your post!
Sometimes having a list of feelings that are possible is helpful. When I don’t know what I am feeling, I can identify it when I have a label for it. Often, the feeling under anger is sadness, hurt, FEAR is always there too.
When we are not used to feeling the feeling, it is challenging to indentify what we’ve not allowed ourselves to experince before.
It gets easier with practice. Great job going to NO words.
Allow your thoughts and feelings to float through without any attachment to them.
The more you do it, the easier it gets.