Can I just tell you I have been catapulted to the next dimensions with the outpouring of LOVE from so many of you?
I think nothing can surprise me (much) anymore and, then, I am completely taken aback in surprise and delight at how many people have shared their love, prayers and healing with and for us and our dog Buddy.
The vet found a tumor attached to his heart and has given him a short time, but no real commitment to how long it may or may not be. Our hearts are broken, while still being present to the time he is with us.
Buddy is GOOD. He’s loving all the additional love and attention he is receiving from us and everyone that knows him. He is acting like his normal self.
We humans are the ones that struggle to make peace with this life and death thing.
Today, though, I am writing about how deeply the love is felt and how truly UNCOMFORTABLE it is.
I talk about sitting with our feelings and truly feeling them. I am pretty good at doing that too, until I am required to go deeper than I have gone before, which is what is happening now.
In case you didn’t already know, IT IS SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE.
As much as I don’t like feeling the heavy or negative feelings and have done things to avoid feeling them, well, lo and behold, I found myself wanting to avoid RECEIVING all the LOVE being given and expressed. Freely and without any agenda or attachment.
Someone told me some time ago that as deeply as I can feel the anger I was carrying at the time was also as deeply as I could LOVE. Well, let me say, that scared the stuffing out of me. I knew how to be angry. I was quite comfortable being angry, because it was familiar. I liked being angry for that reason too, it was comfortable there. It also was a driver emotionally for me. As opposed to the sadness or grief, which I don’t particularly like either, since it feels depressing.
Are you seeing a pattern here?
Do you see it in your own life?
We each have this set point of what we are comfortable with. Let’s say we like the thermostat set at 71*. Anytime the temperature goes too far below or above, the thermostat kicks on to keep it steady.
This is the same with our emotional state too. When we get too out of range of what we are comfortable feeling, we will do usually whatever it takes to stay close to our comfort level.
I am sitting with the feelings of LOVE from you all. I am staying open as I can to receive how deep your LOVE is offered and given. Anything less, I feel, would be disrespecting the gift you are offering. I might be saying, “No, so sorry, I’m not worthy of this LOVE you so freely offer.” That would be like giving you back the present you gave me, saying “Nah, I don’t deserve this, even though you think so.”
In essence I am allowing myself to be uncomfortable, so I can receive more. When I can receive more, do you know what happens then? I CAN GIVE MORE.
I love to be able to give back.
My invitation to you is to open yourself to receive and much as you’ve offered us in this time of grief, heartbreak and STAYING FULLY PRESENT.
Give yourself the gift you’ve so freely shared with us.
With much love and gratitude!