Some days I am so sick and tired of feeling, ONE MORE TIME, like I’m not good enough.
This belief and pattern has permeated my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.
There are many days and weeks that I don’t experience this belief, but every once in a while it rears its head yet AGAIN.
If you remember a few weeks ago I was sharing about a situation that happened that truly rocked me to my core. It created a place of me questioning myself, who I am and how I show up in the world.
As it goes in the Universe, when I am being mindful and paying attention, I have people all around me saying something very affirming, which is different than that belief of “I’m not good enough”. The evidence and reminders that I am good enough.
Then, something else trips me up.
I made a video telling my story and was critiqued on it. The point of doing the video in this particular group is to get the feedback and training to make a video that is compelling and inspiring. I did it to get the guidance to do it most effectively.
Instead, I interpreted the critique as:
I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
I DIDN’T DO IT RIGHT… (it wasn’t perfect the first or second time)
REMEMBER, I joined this group to learn how to be a better storyteller on video.
I joined this group of other professionals to receive the feedback to help me grow and be most effective.
Yet, I still perceived it as criticism and I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH…
This is not THE TRUTH about me. The truth is I AM ABSOLUTELY GOOD ENOUGH.
I am continuing to grow and learn how to project myself on video.
This is a big freaking deal, coming from someone that lived most of my life trying to be a wall-flower.
The point is:
I am good enough.
I am learning a new skill.
I am growing a new public (on video) speaking muscle.
Nobody ever said this life of being human would be easy.
Nobody ever said I would have zero challenges.
However, somewhere along the way, I was given the belief that criticism is the way to help me become a better person. NOT…
Through the criticism came the beliefs of:
I’m not good enough.
I’m not lovable.
I must get it right the first time every time.
I’m not worthy.
Add your own to the list….
It has taken some time to undo these beliefs. Even though I live in a different space more often than not today, they still show up.
The payoff of being mindful, disciplined and committed to reprogramming these beliefs is I have a lot of tools to utilize to bring me out of that funky place. Today, instead of weeks or months spent on the rat wheel of “I’m not good enough”, I can choose to use my tools and get off much sooner.
It truly is a choice today. It can still take time.
Let’s be totally honest here, it still takes way longer than I like or want, because I would love to NEVER have to go here again.
However, what I know is life is a process.
We are never done.
We never arrive or graduate.
We do get to places of being able to deal with life gracefully and mindfully.
When we are thrown a curve ball we can choose how to deal with it or not.
We get to be responsible for how we show up in our lives today.
One more nugget on the journey into loving yourself from the inside out.
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How do you relate to this?