As much as I want to tell you I TRUST myself and the gifts or intuitive messages I recieve ALL the time, I’d be lying.
I get these intuitive hits or insights about something or someone and I have no evidence to back it up or prove to myself I am receiving accurate messages, so I either dismiss it or question myself, which then, creates doubt.
In the midst of the dismissing or doubting, I park that insight on the back burner and wait to see if the evidence reveals itself. Sometimes it does, other times, I am out of the situation or relationship before it becomes clear. This too creates doubt, even though, I tell myself something different.
There are times that it is absolutely 100% LOUD AND CLEAR. My intuition is screaming at me. These messages are harder to dismiss, because it is so clear. I had a client one time that totally 100% creeeped me out. I had no reason why, he’d never done anything to show me otherwise. About the 3rd time I massaged him, I could barely finish the massage, because I felt so uncomfortable. I called and fired him. My reason was I could not provide the services he needed. (I didn’t want him to think I was crazy, you know). I never had evidence for this one, but the feeling for me was palpable and I could not dismiss it…
It’s the subtler places, like in conversation with someone.
I wrote last time about someone not wanting to be in a friendship with me because business and friendship didn’t mix. My BS-o’meter was off the hook. It felt off and I had no reason to truly doubt what they were “saying” to me. I wanted to believe the words but they were not ringing true. In the midst of this process, I had the niggle of doubt about myself in the back of my mind.
However, I had a thought float through as my BS-o’meter is going off.
It went like this: “I wonder if it was about this particular conversation we had had previously.”
I had asked about a situation I saw them engaged in and the response about it was clearly denial.
However, I didn’t have evidence of that at the time.
Now, 2 weeks or so later, I have a conversation with this person and it is revealed that my BS-o’meter (my intuition) was accurate. My line of questioning that they denied, was, in fact, accurate. They thought I would be judgmental if they told the truth.
AND SO, it is confirmed. My intuition was accurate. Now I have the evidence.
You see, the energy (our intuition) NEVER lies. It is me that lies to myself in what I’m receiving.
WHY? You might be asking, do we do this to ourselves?
Most of us have not been taught to trust ourselves. When we had these feelings or insights, they were usually dismissed by our parental figures. They are also quickly dismissed by our friends when we “know” something and make inquiries about it.
We probably heard things like: “you’re too sensitve”, “You’re making that up”, “how can you know that?” “you don’t know what you’re talking about”, OR we were told what, when and how to feel our feelings.
ALL of which causes us to distrust our own birth right abilites and gifts. Yes, today I am telling you they are gifts and we get to learn how to utilize them.
When we begin this journey inside and into loving ourselves from the inside out, it can take significant amounts of reprogramming and unlearning much, if not all, of what we were taught as children.
Our parents or guardians were not taught how to trust their own intuition. We can only teach what we know, until we learn something else.
Many of our parents came from a survival mentatlity, because that is what was required of them. As a result, they are passing along their survival skills and gifts.
Intuition and feelings were not taught as trustworthy methods, we were taught to ONLY rely on our survival skills and take care of ourselves.
When we begin this inside journey of reprogramming, we seek evidence and confirmation to let us know we are on track.
What am learning today is if I am still relying on it exclusively, then, I am going to continue living in distrust of myself. I will always be seeking validation from outside of myself, which inevitably leads to mistrusting me.
I am learning to appreciate the validation and confirmation without relying on it to build this trust in myself.
It is such a process. My learning to trust myself began with reprogramming the messages that taught me to dismiss myself and my feelings. I sought out the evidence to prove to myself that I was right and my intuition was accurate. Now, I trust my gifts of intuition MORE often than not. When I get confirmation, it is simply that.
It has taken time, patience, discipline and commitment to do something different. I love being able to write and share with you in hopes that it helps you get through your process maybe a little quicker. Possibly it is the validation you needed to know too.
If you need more than this, please reach out. I am available for a complimentary 1 hour session to see if we are a good fit and this is a journey your are ready for. Maybe you know you are ready now, I am also available for 1:1 mentor coaching. And I host a mentor group that runs for 6 weeks at a time.
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